EDUCATIONAL PSYCHOLOGIST – 40
INDONESIA
Dear Peeps,
We have discussed about the habits and how to introduce for so long now. Have you ever wondered even after being successful with a new habit for a couple of months, we fall back to square one many times. We will investigate what is the reason behind it, it might take couple of articles to get that into our system.
I am going to share the hand model of our brain with you all. This is how it looks:
1 – Body brain or Brain Stem which is responsible for our 5 senses, such as hearing, seeing, sensing, tasting, and smelling.
2 – Emotional brain which includes A – Amygdala which is the watch dog for our very survival and the Hippocampus responsible for our memory.
3 –Thinking Brain – Prefrontal cortex which is responsible for rational thinking such as higher order thinking and decision making.
When we feel a threat our body responds in 4 ways
- Fight – Attack verbally or physically
- Flight – Run away to a safe environment.
- Freeze – Inaction unable to react at all
- Collapse–In Psychology this is known as disassociation, fading away, fainting, daydreaming, unavailable physically and mentally.This is not common, it happens when you experience a trauma.
When we experience threat, the term called flipping of the lid happens to the thinking brain. We lose access to our rational brain, you are unable to decide the best possible way to handle the situation, the very reason you don’t have access to the thinking brain.
To make it simpler, lets divide our brain into Emotional and thinking brain. Imagine ourselves as a car, let’s call it consciousness car. Who do you think rides our consciousness car? Is it Thinking Brain or emotional Brain?
The answer is……..
You were wrong, our consciousness car is always driven by the Emotional Brain, the thinking brain sits next to it, and carries a map with it and convinces the Emotional brain to follow the route. Do you think our emotional brain listens to the thinking brain always?….
A Big NO!!! That’s why many times we fail what we decide to do, some examples, I know I have an exam, I should not browse the social media, I want to be healthy, I should not eat junk food. We all know the facts, but we don’t apply it even though we want to apply it. It is because of the Emotional Brain’s decision. It does not mean it is a bad think. Thinking brain always tries to be ally with the Emotional brain and convinces it to the activities.The days when we are able to stick with our new habits, is when the Thinking brain is in touch with the Emotional brain, the days we fail are those days where the lid is flipped. The Emotional brain loses the access to the thinking brain.
We have to enhance the communication better between the thinking and Emotional brain, I know it sucks the way Emotional brain gives in to the cravings, the impulses, the horrible decision making. The only language it understands is Empathy, it only feels, and it is sensitive creature. It can’t understand the facts through a PPT or a spread sheet.So instead of bombarding the Emotional Brain with facts, ask questions about how it feels to go the gym today? How do you feel changing the career? The Emotional Brain answers back through feelings sometimes the Thinking brain fails to interpret it. It might say I’m feeling lazy today or I’m anxious about the change. You must accept the feelings and let it out in the open and take some fresh air and deep breath, because the more the Emotional brain breath, the weaker its grip is on the steering wheel of the Consciousness Car. When it comes to a point of understanding, the thinking brain needs to bargain with the Emotional Brain, how did you feel after last week workout sessions, how much you respect yourself when you reach your goals and how happy are you when you act as example for your loved ones.
The answer from the Emotional brain will always be another emotion either positive or negative. Remember feelings last for a little while, if it is a positive feeling, the Emotional brain is willing to go the gym for today, so take small steps, wear your gym shoes today. If the response is negative, you sit with open hands and accept it. Do offer another compromise, but never fight with it. You will never win; it will make the Emotional brain to feel worse. It may take days, months, weeks for some even years to name the feeling and tame the Emotional Brain. On the opposite, the Thinking brain must be trained to speak up with persuasive skills. The more both brains communicate, the better the understanding and this is called as Emotional Regulation in Psychology.
You will understand that Self-Control is an illusion, its an illusion when both the brains are aligned and move in the same direction. The only way you consistently nail the illusion is by consistently communicating and aligning the brains around the same values. The whole Psychoeducation is to teach your Thinking Brain to decipher and cooperate with your emotional brain instead of judging and thinking its dumb. This is the basis if Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT).
